i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
