Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
