i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
