Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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