Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
