oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
