god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
