atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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