I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
