my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
