i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
