my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
