I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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