At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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