Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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