I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
