the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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