So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
