Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
