OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Randomize