im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
