My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
