Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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