When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
