dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
