It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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