i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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