I think my vagina is haunted
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
