what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
