The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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