Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
