Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize