i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
