his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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