I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
