put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
