Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
