and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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