I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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