I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
