I wish my penis had an off switch
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
