Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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