I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
