Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
