kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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