I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
