you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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