so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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