I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
