you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
