i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
