??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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