I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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