My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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