He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
