I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
