honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
