The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
