Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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