A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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