Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
