he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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