were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
