Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
