so explain again why im purple
no
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
