they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
