Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
