Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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