If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
