I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
