This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
