U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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